Mike entered the security office, and was immediately repulsed by the odor.
"Uch!" Mike retched, "Gunna have to remember to bring in some Lysol, or something tomorrow."
Mike unpacked his air mattress, laid it on the floor and inflated it.
"Paying me to just come in here and sleep. Gerald is an idiot."
Gerald, his boss, had told Mike that there really wasn't much to the job. The robots were kept on to roam about at night, and they could deal with any intruders. But his insurance on the restaurant says that at least one person "must be on the premise at all times."
Mike pulled up a chair and thumped down into it. He put his head, face-first, into his hands, trying to fight back his tears.
"This isn't right." Mike said to the air, "This is not my job. I wanted to be here during the day, while his four friends were..."
As a kid, Mike loved coming here to Freddi Fazbear's Pizza Funland. The food was great. The games were great. But most of all, he loved hanging out with the robot mascots. They were fun to be around and they were unfailingly nice to kids. It was one of the precious few pinpoints of brightness in his whole shit-heap of a life!
When Mike saw in the paper a few days ago that Freddi's was hiring, he was so excited his intestines inverted! At last! Mike could return to the place where his happiest childhood memories reside and work with the four friends he made here!
He was so excited, in fact, that he hadn't noticed that the job was for a goddamm night security guard.
Mike then noticed that there was a recorded message on the phone. Mike hit the playback button and heard this message:
"Hello-Hello! Uh, well if you're hearing this, then that means your application for the Night Guard job has been approved. So, uh, Welcome to Freddi Fazbear's Pizza Funland, A Magical Place Where Fantasy and Adventure Come to Life™ Uh, that slogan, as it turns out, is actually rather literal. The guy who started the restaurant, Gerald? Yeah, well, he thought it would be a good idea to incorporate robots into his restaurant.
"Now, don't worry. He isn't trying to automate the place, or anything like that; so the chefs and cashiers and the rest of us, our jobs are pretty safe. What he did end up doing is bringing in some robot mascots for the restaurant.
"Now, other restaurants have used mechanical mascots before. But Gerald wanted his mascots to move about the restaurant and, uh, interact with the customers in a way that animatronics just can't do."
Mike shrugged "Meh, makes sense."
"Uh, one thing you might have noticed is that the mascots are a bit.... unusual for a kids' restaurant. The mascots, even the pirate fox, are all female."
Mike rolled his eyes, "Wow. Shocking news. I KNOW that!!!
"I used to eat here as a kid, I know the robots are all girls!"
"Now, that, in-and-of itself, isn't so strange. But their designs are kind of... risqué.
"Kids, don't take any notice of things like that, of course. But the restaurant has been catching a lot of heat from NOW and various other rad-fem groups."
"Yeah, I know about that, too, Phone-Fuck!" Mike shouted, "Damn those femi-Nazis!"
"Yeah. It's really amazing Gerald has managed to keep the restaurant open at all.
"Well, since you're here, and I have a chance to talk with you, there's some things you should be made aware of:
"Firstly, Gerald keeps these robots on all the time, even at night. And they're left on to roam about the restaurant like they do during the day. Uh, he said something about their servos locking up if they're left off for too long. I have no idea how that works. I would think that their servos would wear out faster if they're not shut off. But I dunno. Maybe it has something to do with faulty manufacturing. I dunno.
"Uh, the pirate fox used to be allowed out to roam around during the day with her three friends, until that.... incident..."
Mike, of course, knew what that "incident" was all about. One of old Night Guards turned out to be a kid-killer. Like she knew that guy was a psycho-fuck, Foxxy bit out his brain. Well, not his entire brain, just a piece of the frontal lobe.
"But, uh.... Leh-Let's not dwell on that. Now second, and probably more important to you, at least in regards to your personal safety, the robots have free reign to wander about anywhere they want in the restaurant, and unfortunately, that also includes your office.
"Now, this wouldn't be so bad, except that there seems to be a glitch in their recognition software. It only seems to happen at night, when the lights are dimmed or off. But if they see a humanoid shape during the night, they seem to have a bit of trouble recognizing that shape as a person. They tend to think that it belongs to a metal endoskeleton that isn't wearing a skin. Now, since that's against the rules here at Freddi Fazbear's, they may try to stuff you inside Freddi."
"The hell???" Mike shouted. Now he was starting to lose his shit!
"So, to help you out, we've installed some power doors."
"'Power doors'??? Why the hell would doors need power????"
"Yeah, apparently the robots are too strong for ordinary wooden, or even steel doors. So, these doors send out an electromagnetic pulse that disrupts the robots and prevents them from breaking down the doors."
Mike just listened agape at this, "Okay! This is some bull, right nyuh! This is some Bull-ass Bull! I'm of a mind to tell Gerald to shove his hundred, twenty bucks!"
"Now, remember also, that the doors are on a power budget, so make sure to shut them only when absolutely necessary.
"Okay. So, that's about it. So okay, if everything goes all right tonight, I'll chat with you tomorrow! Cya on the Flip-Side!"
The message ended.
Mike was scared shitless! 'Stuff me inside Freddi???'
Mike turned to the left-hand door and saw in the dim light outside, a bit of blue! In a blind panic, Mike rushed over and shut the door!
Despite being safe for now, Mike's panicky breathing refused to subside. He didn't understand what the hell was up with that "power budget" the phone guy mentioned, but it didn't sound good.
"Oh, Mister Niiiiiiiiiiiiiiight Guaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaard!" a feminine voice called to Mike from behind the door.
"Go away!!!" Mike shouted.
"Oh, come on, Mike! Open the door so we can play together!"
What the--?? How could they know his name???
"Mikey, sweetums. Please open the door for your Bunnie."
It was! It was Bunnie Rabbit! The mascot they made up as a rock star, complete with electroguitar!
"Mike, please open the door and come out, or I'll have to come in!"
"Yeah!" Mike answered, still sort of trusting in the power doors to keep these intruders out of the office, "Try it!"
"Okay! Here I come!" Bunnie singsonged.
Then the door opened up again. Mike shrieked like a prison bitch and backed away to the opposite wall!
'WHY????' Mike's brain screamed, 'WHY IS THERE A WAY TO OPEN THE DOOR FROM THE OUTSIDE????'
Then Bunnie sauntered in. She had changed her outfit. Her normal outfit was a midriff-baring top, tight-fitting tiger-patterned pants, knee-high boots and a silver make-up star over her left eye.
But now she was wearing a nice blouse and skirt. A pair of pink ribbons were tied in bows snugly but comfortably around her ears. The most risqué thing she had on were her sexy high heeled sandals. She had even removed the star over her eye.
"Whuh--wh-- Whaddaya want???" Mike screamed, looking around for something to use as a makeshift club or something... anything to defend himself with.
"I told you," Bunnie replied, "I want us to play together."
"'Play'? Play what?"
Bunnie giggled seductively and said, "Whatever you'd like, Mikey-wikey."
"A-And that's another thing, How do you know my name?"
"Mike!" Bunnie answered, kind of hurt, actually, "We all remember you."
Mike went back to his chair and sat down, scowling.
"There." Bunnie said suddenly, "That face. That was the face you made when you first came to Freddi's."
The kids at school were particularly ass-baggy that day. And the teachers and faculty were useless for stopping it, as fuckin' usual!
And his parents were just as rotten, well his mom was; his dad, Mike didn't even know where the hell he was!
So, he was left pretty much alone at home, so he would sneak out to head into town.
And that's when he first saw Freddi Fazbear's Pizza Funland!
"Yeah. My whole life was pretty much set up to keep me in a perpetually bad mood... except for this place."
Mike hadn't noticed, but Bunnie had been approaching him. When she finally reached him, she sat down in his lap.
"Whuh!! Bunnie! What're ya doing?"
"You're in desperate need of cheering up," Bunnie told Mike, and then began cuddling him.
Bunnie was so warm. So soft and snuggly and...
"Wait! You're not a robot!"